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grizzletoad1
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Registration Date: 08-21-2013
Posts: 74
Location: New Jersey

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Hi guys. I guess you already know I've been reworking my novel, The Railroad Man, for some time now, trying to put out a final "Writer's Cut" edition. Wonder what you think of this very brief passage from my story. It's where Laura, my one-shoed, hat-loving heroine, has defiantly walked into the railroad's roundhouse despite Mike warning her not to. It's kind of a neat little scene:

She walked deeper into the roundhouse now, unhurried, looking around at the structure with her hands clasped behind her. Her bare left foot felt warm and comfortable, fully shielded from the harsh, filthy concrete floor by the bandage and thick cardboard flap Mike had given her. She stepped tiptoed with it as she walked, it’s near-silent footfall alternating with the sharp click the heel her lone shoe made, tapping out an irregularly-spaced cadence that echoed through the empty quietness—“ka-lick…ka-lick…ka-lick….” In a strange way, she was starting to like it, feeling at once alluring and vulnerable, yet strong and defiant.


Your thoughts?

This post has been edited 1 time(s), it was last edited by grizzletoad1: 05-31-2017 22:54.

05-31-2017 22:47 grizzletoad1 is offline Send an Email to grizzletoad1 Search for Posts by grizzletoad1 Add grizzletoad1 to your Buddy List
Mandrake Mandrake is a male
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Registration Date: 03-03-2010
Posts: 735
Location: NY

RE: Reworking My Novel Reply to this Post Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Posts Report Post to a Moderator       Go to the top of this page

I like it.
06-02-2017 17:07 Mandrake is offline Send an Email to Mandrake Homepage of Mandrake Search for Posts by Mandrake Add Mandrake to your Buddy List YIM Account Name of Mandrake: MandrakeMoorglade
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